santa baby

I've been putting this post off since Christmas because I have so many thoughts that I've had to try and limit what I'm going to say. So obviously Christmas just passed. While its some peoples favorite holiday it is honestly my least favorite. Not because I don't get good gifts but because of all the negatives that come with it. My family always goes above and beyond for Christmas which you wouldn't expect considering that my mother has 8 kids. Mind you there's only 6 of us that are of "big Christmas age" but anyways, more than likely whatever we ask for we usually get for Christmas. it has to be something completely and totally out of the question for us not too. It wasn't until this year that i really felt guilty well not really guilty just extremely upset and sad for all the people who got nothing for Christmas because their families couldn't afford it or how many little kids were upset because they got a pair of gloves or something else essential for Christmas instead of the newest or coolest game like all the other kids. Ive been talking to my mom about it alot. Luckily this year one of my little brothers friends family literally had nothing for Christmas because she couldn't afford anything and some how my parents found out. Long story short my parents went and gave them a Christmas. The kids have no idea, my parents went a brought the gifts and gave it to their parents and let them wrap them and all that junk. When my mom told me that I about died because i think its so sweet and so many people are so selfish and dont even think about all the other families or all the other people in the world who have no one during this holiday season. I guess i cant really say i hate Christmas because im very blessed and so thankful for my family and being able to spend time with them. I just know next year that im definitely going to do a ton of community service to help people in rough situations during this time of the year. Hope everyone had a good holiday!

xoxo,

KmacTheG

r e l a t i o n s h i p s

     Relationships, they are ummmm I don't know how to even really start this post but by saying they are crappy but amazing at the same time. I feel like in our society and/or generation it is so hard to come by a good relationship. Everyone constantly thinks its cool to mess around behind each others backs and pretend like we don't care all because we are all in fear of getting "exposed" on social media. i find that totally crazy. like if you like me and want to be with me you better tell me exactly how you are feeling screw getting exposed. I could careless if someone tried to expose me for saying that i care about something and trying to fight for it. I know you all see me complain on twitter constantly about have a "bae" but in reality that "bae" shit is for the birds. I want someone real and I feel like when people say bae its just a joke. If we are going to be together i want you to take me seriously and give me your all. I dont have time for games like at all. 

       I feel like i meet a ton of different guys and none of them are good enough. Like im 19 and as much as I say that i need to get my shit together my shit is pretty together compared to some of yall (not even being cocky) but I feel like with guys i expect alot. I expect you to have a strong work effort. I expect for you to have goals and do amazing things in life. I expect you to atleast try to get your shit together, I'm a very independent person and I just want a guy who seems like hes on the same level as me.I dont want to settle for anything less. 

    Also, when im in in a relationship I fall hard and love hard. Im a very caring person and will go above and beyond for the guy that im with. I will do almost anything that you ask me too buy you random shit all the time and just love you with all my heart. I think this is why im so scared to even get involved with anyone because I know this about myself. As soon as I feel myself catching feelings for someone I get scared and fall back hard asab. Im currently in that predicament. Ive met this amazing guy who is not only gorgeous but has a wonderful personality and I vibe well with. But i can feel myself pulling away from him because im so scared of getting hurt. Everything just seems to good to be true. Like why would he even want to be with me and the fact that i dont feel like im cute enough to even be with him. Ive honestly never felt like this before and it sucks but i know that im just hurting myself because if i fuck things up i know ill be upset to see him with someone else. 

     Moral of this blog, yes I love being in a relationship but they are crappy in my opinion. I love constantly having someone to spoil and talk to and just do cute shit together with but i hate the hurt and trust issues that come with it. 

xoxo,

KmacTheG

currently over life

Lately, I have been feeling totally down. I feel like I'm trying so hard to make money, go to school, on top of trying this modeling thing out. Instead of having people supporting me in all I do I have been getting so much hate back from everything. Even my really good friends have been throwing shade. At this point I just feel odee lonely and just like everyone is patiently waiting for me to fall. In all honesty that is only making me work harder and when I finally get where I wana be I can say I told you so. I have had so many amazing opportunities come my way and are continuing to come. Im so over all the bullshit though. No cockiness at all, but I know that I am a great friend and will ride for anyone that rides for me and i'm totally sensitive so I feel like this is why people have been getting to me so much lately. I literally stay to myself and talk to a select few people and even those people don't know everything that is going on. I feel like I am being judged and laughed at so much for doing photoshoots and doing video shoots. If you were to ask me I DO NOT consider myself a model at all. I still need alot of work and practice before I will even say that, Its honestly just something that i enjoy doing in my free time and I was offered an opportunity that will get me where i want to be in life eventually so yes it is becoming more than a hobby but another job. Overall thank you to all the people who are out here cheering me on and supporting me (very few) but a huge shoutout to all the people who constantly have my name in their mouth and think that they know me and are spreading rumors about me. you motivate me even more.

 kisses to you all,

KmacTheG