is there a such thing?

You know, quite often I find myself scrolling past the same relationship goals post or people screaming out about how badly that they want someone and something real. Why is it so hard for generation to grasp the concept of love?

Of course, I was creeping on Facebook and came across this blog entry about why marriages today fail. It spoke volumes. I've never been married but there were definitely similarities to the problems  have encountered trying to find love. One of the main things that caught my eye was social media. I mean, we live in a age where everything is done by the internet. How we meet people, how we communicate, how we show interest in people, the list goes on and on. The author wrote, "if you want to love someone, stop seeking attention from everyone because you'll never be satisfied with the attention from one person." To me this has to be the realest thing that I have ever read. I just don't understand how we expect to love someone but we are so worried about what the next person thinks of us. If you are in a relationship, I feel as though all the attention that you are seeking on the internet should be filled by the person you are with. If you are still searching and looking for attention, in my opinion, you still have one eye open searching for love somewhere else.

I never realized how much I appreciated the simple things in life and what I want out of a partner. Maybe, me not getting those things has opened my eyes to what I really appreciate. I see no problem in using social media while in relationship, to a certain extent. I know that when I find the love of my life, I want to be able to show them off, I mean that is the type of society we live in. Show off the best things you got. I don't want anyone to ever question my relationship on whether we are really together and why one person post more than the other etc. I want there to be the same feelings for each other so there would never be that problem. ANYWAYS, I mean the simple things as in taking walks on the beach and talking, going on mini vacays, literally laying in bed all day and watching Netflix, going out to dinner just to eat deserts. I just want to do weird, smalls things together. Things that we both enjoy. I want to find a love, where nothing else matters. Honestly, I could care less about social media post, I just wana lay out on the beach at night, eat Chinese food, and talk about the universe.

but.........lately.....

all those things are starting to seem impossible to conquer. Everyone is looking for love but no one is willing to put in the work. When things go bad everyone wants to run to someone that they think is better, rather than fighting for the person you truly love. At the end of the day running from your problems is just going to leave you miserable. What are we going to do in ten years and all of us are out desperately searching for love? I mean we all already are. We are having sex thinking that will make someone love us, we are making fucking flip-grams and putting a corny love song to it so that OTHER PEOPLE will believe we are in love and happy. It makes no sense.

I was with someone for a couple of years, he was my first love. Even after being with him for so long I still got butterflies whenever I saw him. We never had to do anything to have a good time. Things have changed, we both grew apart and wanted different things in life. But I one day hope that I feel that strong for someone again and know that they feel that strongly for me. I think that's a lot of the problem now and looking for a partner. we are all so scared of getting hurt, we don't show someone when we love them or have feelings for them. We all act stand offish to each other, act like we aren't pressed but in reality we are head-over heels for that person.

Sometimes, you may have to wait for the person you are with to grow up and realize what they have in front of them. YOU just have to keep fighting and put forth the effort to help them notice it. It gets tiring, people may judge you but you are doing what can either make you extremely happy or break you down into a million pieces, but sometimes that a risk you may have to take with love. I'm currently dealing with this situation and it sucks. But at the end of the day, I know who I want to be with, I know how I feel about him. I may look stupid, but, love makes us crazy, what can I say.

Overly curly to bald

THE MANE IS GONE! As most of you know, I recently chopped off all of my luscious curly locks. I keep getting asked to why as if its a bad thing? People seem to be really confused to why I would do such thing as if it wasn't my hair in the first place. I'm also really tired of hearing "oh my god, but it was so pretty" "do you miss it yet" "you are going to hate it when it grows out"

Curly hair is H E L L. If none of you have ever had curly hair, it is seriously a struggle to take care of. I mean it's not that hard to take care of when you get the hang of it, but, everyday is different with curly hair. I had gotten a hair cut back in December and it was completely destroyed! My hair was entirely uneven and super choppy. This overall just made my hair entirely unmanageable. I just wasn't happy with my hair anymore. I tried everything to get my long hair back but it just seemed that my hair wasn't growing. I tried taking vitamins, drinking only water, massage my scalp. Seriously, everything. I was tired of not being able to do anything with my hair. The only thing that I could do with my hair was wear it down when it was curly. I couldn't wear it up without looking like a complete boof and I was trying to stay away from straightening it so it would grow. With the condition and state that my hair was in, I just didn't feel pretty anymore. I hated waking up and knowing I'd have to find some way to try and make my hair look somewhat decent.

I'm not the sweet innocent little girl anymore. I feel as though over this last year I have truly found myself and come to find out the long curly hair just doesn't fit me anymore. I have had the same hair style since middle school. I have always had semi-long curly hair. ALWAYS. That's just not me anymore. I'm not quite and innocent anymore. I have always wanted to cut my hair but I was way to scared of what everyone else would think. Where I am at now in my life, I could really gives two F*cks if any of like or dislike my hair at the moment, I feel more like myself with my hair cut short. I feel so much happier. I feel like my hair held so much baggage and just stuff in there and now that it's gone I feel free. I feel like a new person honestly. As corny as that sounds, I truly do. I feel like I have so much freedom to do what I want with my hair now because if I don't like it I can just chop it all off again.

Overall, I cut my hair for me. There really isn't any other important or deep meaning behind it. It was for me, It was to make me happy and to make me feel better about myself. I absolutely love my hair this short. I feel so confident and empowered. I think that being able to cut off my mane says a lot to me about how I have grown as a person and how I really don't care about anyone else s opinions anymore .I feel more beautiful than ever, not just on the outside but on the inside as well. If you don't like my hair, I'm sorry. Its gone and honestly probably wont be back for awhile. All that matters is that I'm happy and right now in this moment,


SO, do I miss my hair? Heck no, I feel like was a different phase in my life, and like I stated before I feel so much happier. I mean sometimes I wish I could just throw my hair up in a bun or have more versatility with my hair. All in all I'm beyond happy with my decision.

Also, don't tell me you liked my hair better the other way because, there's not much that I can do to get it back that way. lol. Even if you don't mean to to rude that's kind of rude to say to someone, don't you think? One thing with my hair, is no matter if someone hates it or loves it, it catches the eyes of many and I have received way more compliments since I cut my hair.So obviously I made the right choice.

xoxo,

Kmac